..and Happy Holidays

It's Christmas Eve - these are the rules, people.


** Do not use icicle lights across a straight line on your house. Have you seen the box? There's a picture on it for a reason. Icicles only look good if you have a pointy thing on your house or at least a porch that makes it look 3D. A 14x70 trailer with one row of icicle light across the front looks stupid. That's what they make rope lights for, folks.

** Do not drive by me at 90 mph and give me a g-t-h look, unless of course, you want me to smile and wave 5 miles down the road when you're stopped in front of pretty blue blinky lights. I win. Period.

** When you're driving in a crowded parking lot, please note the yellow and white things on the pavement. The arrows were not put there by Indians, dufus.

** When given a gift you do not like, do not immediately ask for the gift receipt. You're being a bit obvious, don'tcha think?

** Do not giggle when Deck the Halls talks about the 'gay apparel'. You are older than 13. Otherwise, you would not be on the internet without your parent's permission, right?

** If someone offers you food, and you are full, say no. They are probably wondering if you'll ever stop eating, anyway, and they have plenty of Food Network recipes bouncing around in their mind for the leftovers. But noooo, you'd rather have it rot away in your fridge than to politely refuse any. more. food. Selfish pig. The children starving in Africa hate you.

** Lastly, if you aren't in the Christmas mood, don't take it out on your family. Take it out on your blog readers. They can appreciate you more than your own blood ever could. After all, they read you because they want to, not because they have to find out who you are every year so they'll have something to talk about at Christmas.

So now that you know, act like it. Oh, and before I forget, Merry Christmas, and to all a GOOD NIGHT!!